The Color of Paradise. It's lovely.

I'm really getting into these Iranian films. I'm not sure than any of my (very few) followers even like foreign film, but if you do . . . try The Color of Paradise, about a blind Iranian boy.

The cinematography is so beautiful. Most movies I'm just as happy to see at home, especially since I'm not into blowing up movies. You know "Blow up the car, blow up a building. Ooooh, cool, blow up a car AND a building . . ." Not really into those, but I talk to people who are impressed with these on a big screen. Me, not so much, and there's really nothing that's a big draw for me on a big screen. But occasionally a movie comes along where the colors are so vivid and the scenes are so lovely that I long for a theatre and a really big screen. This movie is one of those. It's art---and just as Vermeer is better in person versus via a print in a book, this movie was meant to be viewed on a big screen.

There's this scene with an old peasant woman walking through feathers that completely changed my view of artistic filming.

One of the things I like about these films is that they are not French. With French film, you're viewing something completely harmless and then the scene shifts into something sordid. No warning. There you are---you thought it was clean and now it's not. AH!

But these Iranian films are mostly about Muslim women. Modest and covered. It's just nice.

So I liked the movie. Just about broke my heart. I wasn't a big fan of the ending, but it was well-filmed. Watch it. You'll see.

Mel, do you and Quinn and do foreign film? Laura? Anyone?

The Language of Flowers by Diffenbaugh

As I'm coming out of my fog, it's been a welcome distraction to find some really great writing.

As with Vanessa Diffenbaugh's The Language of Flowers, about Victoria Jones, just emancipated from the foster system. The writing is stellar and truly a great first work for Diffenbaugh. At first glance, the plot's not complex: Victoria has to figure out how to live on her own as an adult. But the story that unfolds, about Victoria's past, about mothers and daughters and longing for family; about forgiveness and mercy and anger and healing; about love and being a mother and being a daughter----it's brilliant.

There might be one questionable paragraph (I skipped it :)) but this would be great for a book club. I wasn't completely satisfied with the "now everything is happy and peachy and look it's fine" ending, but that's just me. The book had to end somewhere and Diffenbaugh didn't kill off her characters to get there, so that's an accpetable first-novel ending.

Because there really were moments of brillance. At one point, there's a character who has just had a baby and for five or six pages Diffenbaugh gets into her head: the exhaustion, the fear, the weariness that comes from a baby who wants to nurse for twelve hours straight, the mind-numbing crying spells, and women who swoop in and say "Oh you're doing great, everything is fine" and then swoop out and the new mom (who isn't doing fine, everything isn't great) doesn't know what to do . . . it's accurate, that's what it is. It's painful to read it's so accurate.

I'd recommend it. Love to know what someone else thinks about it. Mel? Laura? Meg in Sheridan? Sarah? Anyone?

Finding the words for thanks

Thank you, all, for your kind comments about the loss of our little one. I am healing. Still mourning, but healing. We truly wanted another child. It was heart-breaking to witness this child pass from us. 

Someday if I can find the words, I will write more about my heart and what it has learned through this experience. At my 12 week ultrasound we knew that baby would not make it to term, and I choose to carry her knowing this pregnancy would not end in a birth. It was truly a privilege to carry our daughter even knowing her little body couldn't make it.

I have had so many loving and kind women succor and love me through this journey. Miscarriage is world I knew nothing about and so many loving women shared with me their stories of losses and longings of their own. A long-time friend told me (she lost her baby to stillbirth) about the sisterhood between women who shared their stories of loss with her: "It's the sweetest sisterhood I wish I was never a part of." 

My thoughts exactly. So thank you. 

A heavy heart

July. It was the end of July when I posted last. I was hideously morning sick.

Can't-get-out-of-bed sick.

When-will-it-end sick.

Good-thing-I-want-a-baby sick.

Someday-I-will-do-more-than-stare-at-this-bucket sick.

I wish I were still sick.

Because I wish I were still pregnant.

There are no words to convey the joy I feel when I make the announcement that I am expecting another child. As there are no words to convey the sorrow when the pregnancy has ended too early and the longed-for, much wanted, much adored (already!) baby is gone. I carried our little girl for 17 weeks and then learned (via ultrasound results) that our baby had passed away.

Un-met. Un-cuddled. But loved all the same.

Flutter home, little butterfly. Loving arms send you back. And loving arms will receive you there.

So here we go again

Don't expect much from this blog for a while.

Baby number four is expected in Feb 2013 and he or she is making his or her presence known.

I am so sick. More sick than with baby three and THAT is saying something.

Kid Two came into my room this morning (as I was lying in bed, trying not to move) and he said, "Are you going to get out of bed today, or is someone else going to have to come and give us lunch?"

Funny, I was wondering the same thing.

The winner is What Alice Forgot

So the winner of the 2012 Books and Beaches Best Discovered Book of the Year is What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. It's good. Funny. Well written. Witty. Touching. Memorable.

Bet you didn't even know there was a BAB BDB of the year award. But there is. Guernsey's on it. These is my Words is on it . . . and now What Alice Forgot.

Find a copy. You will like it. All of you will like it.

Laura, yes on book club read. I think your mom will like it, too. Jenny, this is another good book worth reading for one of the very last paragraphs . . .

You'll all know when you find THE paragraph. It's at the end. It's about marriage, and what having a good marriage is. You'll know it when you find it because you will think, "YES! That is true."

Great recommendation, Mel. I can see why your book club discussed it for two hours. Wish I would have been there.

French Kids Eat Everything by Le Billon

I've long been a fan of the book French Women Don't Get Fat by Mireille Guiliano. Guilino offers a common sense approach (the French way) it turns out, to eating and enjoying food. Not a diet, but a healthful way to eat that's full of flavor. Love it.

So I was intrigued by French Kids Eat Everything, in which Le Billon, a native Canadian writes, "How our family moved to France, cured picky eating, banned snacking, and discovered 10 simple rules for raising happy, healthy eaters" . . . her journey, literal and figurative, into French foodways and raising kids.

I think I will buy a copy and keep it on my shelf next to Mireille's book. Although I don't agree with everything in the book (French women don't nurse their babies for long, turns out), I think there are some good, basic tips and tricks about how to get kids---families, really---to eat better. Again, not a diet, but an attitude of enjoying healthful food and teaching kids to enjoy healthful food as well.

And since I've read it, I've been more aware of what/how often my kids snack and what/how much I'm giving them at meals. Good reminders. And Le Billon is a good writer, witty, and not preachy. Real. She writes conversationally, peppered with current research and cultural commentary. Just very well done.