Woman in Gold with Helen Mirren

Loved it.

It was fabulous.

There's some language.

I even watched Monuments Men the night before I watched Woman in Gold, just to get ready.

Helen Mirren is marvelous.

Enjoy.

Parenting Principles, Take One: Don't Use Shame and/or Manipulation and Call it Love. It Will Mess Up Your Kid.

I really don't get into parenting books. Perhaps that's because my first dose of parenting books were sleep training books. Which made me flustered because 1) I wasn't going to play by their rules and 2) Neither was the baby. So I tossed the books out and adjusted for each baby. Happy mom, happy babies, we're all good.

But occasionally I find a well-written something something about parenting principles that rings true to me. That I think back on. Here are the some of the best I've found recently.

Here's the first one I like: When A Parent's "I Love You" Means "Do as I Say".  by Alfie Kohn. The premise of this outstanding article is that if a parent uses approval and love to manipulate a child, this isn't good for the kid.

Then next one I like is a post from a popular mommy blogger, Sarah, of Clover Lane when she did a guest post at Power of Moms about raising teenagers. Here's her post.

And here's another one I've been thinking about. It's called "How to Raise a Future Victim of Abuse". (Obvious sidetone: The author wants to NOT raise a future victim of abuse.)

Goes along with this one: The basic premise is that discipline is necessary, shaming is not. Making a child feel bad about herself is a harmful way to manage her mistakes.

I just found this one this morning called "The Imperfectly Happy Family". The premise is that high family achievement standards from parents can lead to "discouragement, anxiety, and depression" in kids who feel like they will never measure up to these standards and are shamed about being imperfect. There is a better way.

I think these resonate with me because of what I have always believed about parenting. How I treat my kids will influence how they perceive themselves now and in their future. Even when I need to teach them, even when they mistakes, even if they are little kids or big kids with little or big mistakes: they will learn more from how I treat them than from what I'm trying to teach.

And this post isn't for anyone else (unless you find it helpful) but for me so I can come back to these articles again and again.

Christmas Read Aloud Favorites 2015

I try to be consistent with nightly read-aloud family story time in December. There are so many lovely books, both religious and secular, with charming and meaningful messages, lovely prose, and beautiful artwork. Here are some of our favorites. Most of these I get from our local library.

This first group are the fun-themed books with Santa, reindeer, funny characters, etc. It would be hard for me to choose a favorite.

Home for Christmas by Jan Brett
The Wild Christmas Reindeer by Jan Brett
The Night Before Christmas by Jan Brett
The Night Before Christmas illustrated by Bruce Whatley
The Night Before Christmas illustrated by Cheryl Harness
A Creature was Stirring by Goodrich
Click Clack Ho Ho Ho by Cronin
Snowmen for Christmas by Buehner
Christmas Wombat by Jackie French (My older boys think this one is hilarious and they can quote it.)
Gingerbread Pirates by Kladstrup
Mr. Willoughby's Christmas Tree by Robert Barry
Houseful of Christmas by Joosse
Too Many Tamales by Soto
On Christmas Day in the Morning by Swet
The Twelve Days of Christmas Dogs by Conahan
Jingle Bells by Trapani (great for teaching about traditions in other countries)
Auntie Claus by Primavera
My Penguin Osbert by Kimmel
How do Dinosaurs Say Merry Christmas by Yolen
Olivia Helps with Christmas by Falconer
Mary Engelbreit's Nutcracker by Englelbreit
The Polar Express by Van Allsburg
Dinosaur vs. Santa by Bob Shea (ROAR!)
Oh, What a Christmas by Garland
A Homemade Together Christmas by Cocca-Leffler---really nice for talking about making gifts instead of buying them.
How The Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss

Next are the fun books, B list. Still good, especially for my younger two. Just not on my personal classics list. I wouldn't stretch myself to track these down, but they are worth checking out.

The Christmas Bears by Chris Conniver (The storyline is OK, but the illustrations are darling.)
The Three Bears Christmas by Kathy Duval
Merry Christmas Hungry Bear by Don and Audrey Wood
The Not Very Merry Pout-Pout Fish by Deborah Diesen
Christmas at the Top of the World by Coffeey
Santa's Stowaway by Dorman
Llama Llama Holiday Drama by Dewdney
Christmas Magic by Stainton

These next books are about Christ's birth, and/or have themes like charity and giving. I save these for Sunday story time especially.

Asleep in the Stable by Hillenbrand
Saint Francis and the Christmas Donkey by Byrd
Gifts of the Heart by Polacco
The Orange for Frankie by Polacco
The Little Fir Tree by Lamarche (This one makes me cry. Every. Single. Time.)
Spirit of Christmas by Tillman
Great Joy by DiCamillo
Room for a Little One by Waddell
The Crippled Lamb by Lucado
December by Bunting
Listen to the Silent Night by Mackall (artwork is lovely)
Christmas Is by Gibbons

Happy December! Happy reading!

Modern Mrs. Darcy's Audiobook List for Kids

And, of course, they'd be great reads as well:

Here's her list. 

We are getting through Jim Dale's versions of Harry Potter (which are marvelous), but I'm always on the lookout for good suggestions.

Quiet by Susan Cain, ah it's lovely

I finally read Quiet by Susan Cain all the way through. I'd been dipping in my reading toes here and there and when I had the flu a few weeks ago I could finally read it all the way through.

Quiet is about introverts. The way they process, the way they work, the way they are children, and the way they are adults.

The book was extremely validating, because I have always been and still am definitely introverted. I'm also social and friendly, and I used to be louder and very funny (now I'm just moderately funny. It's a Mom thing. I'm sure the rest of the funny will come back. It's in there.) which means that I can come off way more extroverted than I really am. But as I've said before on another blog: I've never wanted to be Cinderella on display as the center of attention all the time. I want to be the fairy godmother who gets to do her fabulous job and then go home, preferably to a cozy place with a hot bath and rooms with lots of books. And some quiet. Lots of quiet.

And that is classic introvert.

So this book was like finding my people. It spoke to truths I've already discovered for myself and how I navigate valuing people but needing alone time to stabilize.

One of the most fascinating part of Cain's analysis was that she linked children who are highly sensitive to adults who are introverted. As a mom of kids who veer more introvert than extrovert, this was very insightful.

All together just an interesting read. Cain isn't a researcher by training and so some of her conclusions are a bit of a stretch, but she is engaging and interesting. I bet she'd do better another time writing time around, but she did fairly well for this one.

Mariann, have you read this one yet?

Another Year, It's a Thinker

If you are in the mood for a thinking movie, try Another Year with Ruth Sheen and Jim Broadbent. The acting is marvelous, and the themes are timeless. It's slllllooooooowwwww. It's all dialogue and very little action.

There is language, though, and to watch it you'd think that everyone just drinks all the time. (Which is my complaint about the book The Girl on the Train which I can't and don't recommend. To read it, you'd think everyone is drunk all the time, lying about something, and being unfaithful to their spouse. Pretty dreary.)

But if you are a thinker for this movie, and can see drinking as a method to escape reality and a symbol of loneliness and desperation, then you can think your way out of the drinking scenes.

I've mentioned before that if you had a core group of smart people who didn't have time to read a whole novel but wanted fodder for a good discussion, a movie could do that.

This movie could do that. I'd actually like to discuss the themes with someone because I've been thinking about them all day. On topics like aging and loneliness and grief. Personal responsibility and the boundaries of friends/family. When is helping helping and when does it enable?

Ruth Sheen is marvelous. I've never seen her better than in this movie.

Anyone?

Have you met Iris Appel?

You should.

Go watch her movie. It's called "Iris". Netflix has it, you can even stream it.

Iris Appel lives in New York City and she's 94. She is a fashion icon, a geriatric starlet, and a smart, funny lady. Sadly, her husband Carl just died. He was almost 101.

This is one of those quirky, up-beat, off-the-wall documentaries that I search high and low for. The movie is really just Iris and the life she's lived. (Note: There is a little foul language. Two words, I think.)

Mariann especially, you will like this movie.

Enjoy.