The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

I am years behind on my reading list. Since The Happiness Project by Rubin was published only six years ago, it's par for the course that I'm finally getting to it.

My sister Liz recommended this to me. Thanks Liz.

By now you (all three of you who read this blog) have probably read this book or at least heard about it. So you most likely know that Rubin took a year and worked on being happy. Made goals, made lists, decided what was most important to her. Kept the good stuff, tried to get rid of the negative stuff. Worked on being nicer, worked on being less critical. Practiced.

Now I must tell you: goals and goal setting is nothing new in Deborahland. I totally get goals. Make a list of how to get to the goal. Make a timeline for the things to get to the goal. Make sub-goals to get to the timeline. Make another list. Work on it again. Change the goal. Check off the goal. Revise the goal.

Make a new goal. I get it.

So I wasn't necessarily wow-ed by Rubin's method of "Make goals every month for one year."

However.

I do like Rubins. I like her voice. I like her intelligent allusions and her perspective. I like her attitude. I like her transparency. I like her adult civility, personal social responsibility, and over-riding politeness to her readers. These made the book both palatable and pleasant. There's some good common sense in here about time and money management, and how to get along with a spouse, and why to buy quality and not quantity.

Her first commandment is "Be Gretchen." So simple. Be who you are. For me, Be Deborah. I remember one very frustrating conversation I was having with a woman in one of my social circles who was organizing/guilting groups of women to come and make greeting cards at her house. Lovely for people who like to do that. For me, not an interest. She told Eric, "Don't worry, we'll get her (to come)."

But she wasn't going to get me because I didn't want to stamp and cut bunnies and glue them. I told Eric then, "I am not a twenty-three year old woman looking for hobbies to fill her time. I am a thirty-four year old woman who doesn't have time for the hobbies she knows she likes." Be Deborah. So much simpler this way. I think the best thing I did for my fortieth birthday was gave myself permission to dispose of any-long held obligations _______________ (hobbies, interests, likes, preferences, dreams, hopes) that belonged to someone else. I have my own. Flower drying? No. Zumba? Yes. Travel, yes, vegetarian cooking, yes. Social media vigilance? No. World religions and cultures? Yes. Being in charge? Only as a last resort. Taking time to laugh with and hug each of my kids every day? Yes.

Be Deborah. Brilliant.

There was also one nugget of good mom advice and here it was, "Some people exploit unhappiness for decades. "My mother always made a big point that she'd sacrificed completing her PhD program to stay home with me and my brother,' a friend told me. 'She was frustrated and angry, and she brought it up all the time. She used her unhappiness to control us and my father. We all felt guilty.'" (pg 217).

It made me remember once when my son looked up and said, "Mom! You are smiling!" I hoped that was comment on the moment, not a shock to him. A great reminder that my unhappiness and happiness affects my family, and so taking time to keep myself happy is a small investment with big payoffs. Blithering around unhappy also has consequences, ones I don't want.

You have probably already read the book, but if you haven't, I'd say at least skim it. It's at Costco for $8.99. You can pick it up when you get bread, milk, and bananas. And toilet paper and peanut butter. And trail mix and Dave's Killer Bread and the rest of your list.

So Happiness Project. Check. Now I have to go find that book about traffic. And Blink and Unbroken and the latest writings of the world's religious leaders.

The list goes on and blissfully on.